Where Music & Dance Fall Face First Into The Internet

Friday, January 8, 2010


Today we have another guest blog from Sammy Kablam. Sammy reviewed every single song of the recent Song Fight, but you might notice a few bands missing in this post. I deleted a few of the reviews, but you can safely assume that Sammy didn't like anything about the song if it's one that I removed.

An Unfair and One-Sided Review

by Sammy Kablam

Fight: Crush

Let me start this off by saying that I have avoided this as long as possible. I have never actually heard someone say "Hey, you should check out Song Fight because it's not a trainwreck of failure". And with Song Fu going noticably downhill, I couldn't imagine the dreaded Fight was picking up where the Fu was letting down. But, I have cracked, and here I am with my unnecessarily blunt review of Song Fight's "Crush".


About halfway thru your song, I realized I was halfway thru your song. That is not a good way to start things off. So I restarted it, and noticed that the reason my mind had drifted was because your song is very sleepy for the first half. It picks up rather effectively in the latter half, so that's a plus. But I can still barely make out what you're saying. That, too, has an adverse effect on my ability to pay attention. Sorry, but I have no idea what your song was about outside of "crush my world", so the whole point of the music change escapes me. It almost feels like you've bored yourself into just playing a different song for the second half.


Yes, I do wonder what it all means. What the hell are you talking about? I couldn't hear Boltoph, but I just don't know what you're saying. You also sound like you just got up. Have some coffee or something before you record your songs, maybe they'll make more sense.


Oh, I'm sorry. This review is only for real people.

Cain/Prosthetic Limp

As much as it may surprise certain people, I think there's potential here. That's not to say your entry was very good, but it was ALMOST good. And that's certainly a start. I don't know how long you've been at this songwriting stuff, but if this tune is any indication, you could end up being not half bad.


Your music is not only great, but also my style. Your vocals were not only audible, but sharp. As this is the 6th song I l've listened to, you are the first light in a 5-song cloud of darkness. Please stick around and continue to school Song Fight. Please, please, please.

Ken's Super Duper Band 'n Stuff

This was another surprisingly decent song. A few odd elements, but the hook was catchy and the music was pretty alright. All-around not bad.


The guitar here was entirely out of place. And because of how it didn't fit, it was a huge distraction. If reorchestrated, the song might work, but as is, not so much.


I kept losing interest in your song. I had to keep restarting it. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I honestly can't think of a good thing to say about this thing. You lost tempo with your own song a few times, you kept swallowing half your words... I just don't know.

James Owens

With a speaker on either side of my desk, your voice was completely drowned out. Pans are not supposed to work like that. You seem to have a decent voice, so you're better off working on mixing levels than trying to spilt it away from the music. I don't get the strategy there, anyway. Also, it sounded like you were trying to avoid singing aloud. Stop that.

Ross Durand

This was actually a very sweet song. Proof that one CAN record a song with voice and guitar alone and NOT be dull and void of depth. I was reminded of Mel McDaniel during this number, and in my book, that's a good thing.

Benjamin Sturdevant

Ugh. I feel bad for you because you had to follow Mr. Durand. That's like watching a guy juggle twelve flaming chainsaws, and the next act is a chimpanzee hitting itself with a brick. (The entertainment quality has dropped drastically, is the idea.) It's too quiet, it's pretty dumb, and you're obnoxious as hell. I don't know what compelled you to do this, but you should quit while you're behind.

Medusa Oblongata

You have a very sharp name. Your vocals, however are flat. (See what I did there?) But even during the chorus, when your harmonies seem to work, you sound absolutely bored. That doesn't exactly capture an audience.

Manhattan Glutton

I don't like your style, but you're actually very good at it. I expected a bunch of over distorted garbage and screaming, but you put my expectations in their place. A little long, maybe, but good nonetheless.

Lord of Oats

Again, I see potential. But you REALLY need to polish this stuff up. Maybe make it sound less like "Video Killed The Radio Star". But whatever you do, straighten out your voice. You're not terrible, but it seems a little touchy.

Tuners Union

Your music is pretty slick, in terms of lounge lizards. But it was the only interesting part. Maybe you can get hired as background noise at a hotel.

Josef Frank

An instrumental? Really?


Your intro was fascinating. Then the song actually started, and your inaudible lyrics kinda pissed it away. Slow, dull, same old problems. Record scratches were hot shit, though.

Deja Vu featuring Vertigo

What a hokey, annoying thing this is. Jeez. Sing a little higher; another key up, and I might not be able to hear you. And what's with the CastleVania music? What the hell kind of message is this combo supposed to send to the listener? Other than the message of "I don't know what I'm doing".

Give Our Regard's To The Earth's Core

Your name is astounding in its stupidity. Especially because it's misspelled. I'm sure your song is equally pleasing, but I can't understand most of it. Maybe slow it down and turn up the vox, but for now it's getting filed with the other Inaudible Scrap.

Berkeley Social Scene

I couldn't figure out the beat. I'm all for experimenting, but it distracted me from the song itself. The music sounded good, though. I just couldn't figure out the rhythm, and that's where my mind was.

Chopped Liver Meat God

Stupid band name; decent song-like thing. Your vocals are pretty touchy, but the music is alright and the lyrics actually seem to be ABOUT something, which definitely works in your favor. But then it just stops. Songs are supposed to end, not hit a brick wall. You've got a good start, here; I hope you get around to finishing it.


Music is pretty generic, and the lyrics could be tweaked, but not a horrible effort. The guitar gets a little incessant during the verses, but the overall isn't too bad. I think it would work MUCH better slowed down and power ballady. But as is, it's still leaps and bounds ahead of most of the rabble.

The Weakest Suit

Vocals aren't the best, but at least you were thinking outside the box. You get a gold star just for that. Polish it up, and it could be pretty popular, just for the weirdness. But it's a good weirdness.


Gah, why are YOU the last one? There were worse entries, but the singing is choppy at best, if not just bad. I can appreciate the "big finish", but it feels like an afterthought. The rest of the song is dull and slow, and then "grand finale"! Like...why? Why put so much effort into being bland and then turn at the last minute and try to undo it? Doesn't make a whole lotta sense.

Well, kids, there you have it: my first angry rant about Song Fight. I think there were...what, three good songs? Something like that, I'll double check later. I'm too traumatized by sitting thru this garbage to even consider looking back right now.

Yours, in dread of the next Fight,
S. Kablam


  1. Is there a place I can read the review uncensored? No offense to the songwriters, but the fun of reading Sammy Kablam is when he goes off on an offensive rant. Thanks!

  2. I was told Sammy was a musician. Why can't he count to 13? He should have figured out our beat in about 4 measures at the most. The verse is in 13/8 but you count the syncopation 12,12,123,123,123
    Then the chorus is in 7/8 with syncopation 123--67
    The bridge is a traditional 6/8

    Anyway, thanks for taking the time to listen and review the songs, that was very cool of you!

    I think your reviews are actually really good, as long as your honest and not mean for mean sake I think it's good.

    sincerely Glennny of Berkeley Social Scene

  3. James Owens here. We love reviews at Songfight. Thank you!

    The reason for everything you noted was that I rebuilt my studio over the holidays, and something went wrong, so I ended up submitting the original rough track that was to form the template for the production. If things had gone well, this track would have been deleted for the final cut. (Not that my productions are that great.) I explained this in the Songfight forums.

    So what you are hearing is a guy recording his idea with a mic in one channel and a guitar in the other.

    Hope you liked the words and music!

  4. I don't have to actually see it in print to guess what he had to say about ours.

  5. For those who want to see the unedited version of the review you'll have to send me a message on YouTube. I'm Spintown7 on YouTube, and there's a link in the sidebar.