Where Music & Dance Fall Face First Into The Internet

Friday, July 23, 2010


An Unfair And One-Sided Review
by Sammy Kablam

Fight: Peace Is Rest

I'm in a much better mood this week, although I will admit, I got rather sick about halfway into this review, so if it seems too "nice" or "easy going", I apologize. It's an unfortunate side effect of being sickly. But, with that out of the way, let's find out just WHY Peace is Rest.

Mister Mann

Aside from waiting for the lyrics to get more baffling every line, there was little to no reason to continue listening to this. The music was unimpressive, the vocals were...also unimpressive and the whole thing was pretty well boring. But, the consistently weak and therefore morbidly fascinating lyrics definitely kept one intrigued for the duration. Thank God, however, the duration has ended.

New Result

I cannot fathom why you put together things like this and offer them as entries in a songwriting competition. This is not a song; this is bad, bad techno music with the prompt phrase spoken over it. And the phrase isn't even cleverly mixed. This kind of thing is basically cheating, as much as one can cheat. Not that you're breaking any rules, per se, but you're putting forth zero effort and giving us redundant, bland crap that rave parties would be embarrassed to play.

The HATE Noise

What just happened? I can only make out about half of your lyrics, so I have no idea what this song is supposed to be about. And that's one thing, I mean, I've never met a rolling Stones song I could fully decipher, and those guys are billionaires. But your song just kinda starts playing Atari. And then it gets sucked into a jet engine. I, uh...I just don't get it.

Young Stroke

This might be the silliest rap I've ever heard. Not the worst, but the silliest. "I wanna go *poof*" is just wild. I will say this: your song appears to be moping about not being able to go home. That's fine, but emo rap is weird. Also, call me crazy, but a guy with a Carolinian accent calling himself a "thug" or a "pimp" strikes me as laughable. I simply cannot believe it when you try to depict yourself as a "gangsta". If you want to play up your street cred, that's fine, but you can't do it while moping. Or with twang.

The Idiot Kings

This sounds like it could open an Eddie Murphy cop movie in the early 90s. I can't hear anything you're saying, but the music is pretty ominous. Nothing much happened, but it wasn't something atrocious. Very mood-setting.

Ukulele Train and the Men

I hate ukuleles. But the song is musically better than my hatred. It's pleasant enough music, and makes for easy replays. And the vocals seem to have some great harmonization. But the lead vocal is pretty well indistinct, and I can't make out half of the words. And that weird line about saying "breasts" doesn't make any sense, because, like so many other words, I never heard "breasts" mentioned before that point. It's melodious, it's easy to listen to, and I have no clue what the vocalist is saying.

State Shirt

Well, this is certainly depressing as all hell. That said, I do believe it's the best thing I've ever heard from you. This is my first State Shirt download.

Manhattan Glutton

If anyone is ever in short supply of rock, I'm sure you could lend them a cup. And there are so many reasons this song is awesome. There are just so many great elements to this, and I'm not going to take the time to point them out. The song is so complex and intricate, without trying too hard and turning into a mess. I might even dare to say it's perfectly constructed.

Sh*tload Of Dolphins

This is not something to which I want to listen. I did. A few times. But there is absolutely nothing about it that makes me WANT to listen. The guitar is uninteresting, the vocals are flat, the story -- I guess you can call it a story -- is very much "so what?". There are worse songs, but even bad songs can be interesting.


That organ loop is not exactly attractive. And it goes on so long, if I didn't have to hear the whole song, I'd turn it off before the lyrics started. As for the lyrics...eh. It's another rap song that just complained the whole way thru. It sounded better than Young Stroke's, but it's still a guy complaining about the end result of his personal choices. Not exactly entertaining.

Chekhov's Raygun

Lyrical rhythm. Lyrical rhythm, lyrical rhythm, lyrical rhythm. 50% of your words are spoken like you don't know how to talk. It's "bra-VA-do", not "bra-va-DO". And when you speak like you don't understand emphasis or syllables or natural tones, it makes you out to be one terrible rapper.

queef mcbeef

This sounds like the TV suffered a seizure. The greatest thing about this is how quickly it ends.

MC Who Izzy

The 8-bit intro had me intrigued. The vocal quality kicked my intrigue in its soft underbelly. Normally, I'd say a minute:thirty is too short, but since this was a bunch of static, I'm not too disheartened. Get a real mic and try again.

Just In Case

This...this really isn't all that bad. It's got an odd 60s funk kinda vibe. I think it could be polished, maybe tightened up, but it sounds pretty good as is.


I can't help but see people in neon leotards and legwarmers, running in place with a digital scene green screened in behind them. But that's just me, I guess. Also, you sound like Lemon Demon, if Lemon Demon was worth the hype. Your name is retarded, but the song is surprising. And yes, that's a compliment.

A Far Off Land

When this started, I thought it was a set-up for something big to happen. But...nothing does. This is the musical equivalent of the movie "Starfighters". This song has less activity than a forgotten graveyard. This is background music for a romantic scene in a Ben Stiller comedy -- but only if you take out the entirely pointless vocals.


So, there you have it: Peace is rest, and that is that. In my correct opinion, this prompt was found wanting, and the fact that any good songs came of it is a testament not to the contest but the songwriters. Hopefully, the upcoming prompt -- which looks like a great one -- will deliver even more.

Until the next time,
S. Kablam


  1. God bless you, Sammy Kablam, for your snarky, honest opinion. It truely is refreshing.

  2. What does Sammy have against Chickens???

    ;' )